 心不在焉的教授:The Absent-minded Professor |
The Absent-minded Professor
Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!
Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?
Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine.
(04/15/2007 20:54:08,14) [查看全文] |
| 最长和最短:Longest and Shortest |
Longest and Shortest
A teacher asked one of his students:" What is the longest and what is the shortest?"
The student answered immediately:" The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the la(04/15/2007 20:53:40,21) [查看全文] |
| 反正我太太明天会来换的:My Wife Will Exchange Them |
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Cloth or leather﹖" asked the salesperson.
"Makes no difference. "replied customer.
"What color?" asked the clerk.
"Any." he responded.
"Size?"
"Give me what(04/15/2007 20:53:17,9) [查看全文] |
| 花多少钱:How much does it cost？ |
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be (04/15/2007 20:52:07,13) [查看全文] |
| 梦中的幸福:Happiness in Dream |
There was a wife who told her husband, "Last night I dreamed you bought me a mink coat and a diamond ring."
The husband put down his newspaper and said, "Fine! Tonight go back to sleep and wear them."
梦中的幸福
妻子告诉丈夫说(04/15/2007 20:51:30,12) [查看全文] |
| 可能更糟:Be Much Worse |
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
可能更糟
警察：当你的手表被抢的时候，你为什么不大声喊叫呢？
(04/15/2007 20:51:06,16) [查看全文] |
| 瞌睡者:A Heavy Sleeper |
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in (04/15/2007 20:49:55,12) [查看全文] |
| 一次物理考试：A physics Examination |
Once in a physics examination，Nick finished the first question very soon，while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders , why do we see the lighting first， then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick's ans(04/15/2007 20:48:34,11) [查看全文] |
| 一个吻：A Kiss |
At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.
The guest seated next to the speak(04/15/2007 20:48:07,17) [查看全文] |
| 一位伟人:A Great Man |
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
一名伟人
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。(04/15/2007 20:47:44,19) [查看全文] |
| 世界上最强的中国式英文 |
1．we two who and who？ 咱俩谁跟谁阿
2．how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？
3．you don't bird me,I don't bird you 你不鸟我，我也不鸟你
4．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brot(04/15/2007 20:47:18,19) [查看全文] |
| 开心一刻 美国人幽默的电话留言 |
美国家庭中的电话机一般都有留言提示功能，也就是当外人打入电话时，如果主人不在家，电话没人接，电话机会自动播送一段提示，内容通常是：抱歉，家里没人，请您听到“嘟”的一声之后，将您的姓名与电话号码留下来，我回家之后，马上给您回电话。由于这样的提示过于平淡，许多美国人都使用自己编写的提示。刚才我在搜狐英语学习论坛上，看到一个帖子，介绍了一些很有趣的提示，我从中挑选了三个文字比较浅显的，请您看一看。通过这些提示，我们可以发现美国人的民族性格中幽默的一面。
Hi. I am probably(04/15/2007 20:46:52,14) [查看全文] |
| Surgery |
A fellow complains to his friend that he just had a surgery[1] two weeks ago. Two whole weeks! And he's still in so much pain. "Ah, it hurts." His friend says, "Aha, you think that's bad. I had a circumcision[2] done when I was a baby. I couldn't wal(04/15/2007 20:45:45,13) [查看全文] |
| Willpower |
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman on Rodeo Drive Beverly Hills. And he says "Lady, I haven't eaten in four days." She looks at him and goes, "Ah, I wish I had your willpower." (04/15/2007 20:45:02,13) [查看全文] |
| 世界各地的搞笑蹩脚英语 |
①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
日本旅馆：如果您想调节您房间的温度，请控制您自己。
②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty.
匈牙利动物园：请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品，请喂给值班警卫。(04/15/2007 20:42:02,10) [查看全文] |
英语新闻
